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Before You Walk Away

Have you ever considered turning your back on God? Perhaps it was a deep hurt or a difficult circumstance beyond your understanding. Perhaps it was an intense anger and the only one you thought you could safely lash out at, at least temporarily, was God. Whatever the root of it, perhaps you have considered leaving your faith. I did.

Although I considered it, I didn’t do it. Why, you may wonder.

To help answer that question, I want to share a story.

When I was a child, one evening my family saw a neighbor girl—maybe 8 years old—walking down our street, away from her home. In her pajamas and carrying something, she looked like a little runaway. She was.

As I think back on that incident, I wonder why she was leaving. She looked well cared for. Perhaps she didn’t like her bedtime rules. Or maybe that evening she wasn’t allowed to have dessert because she hadn’t eaten her vegetables at dinner.

I also wonder if she considered where she would sleep that night. Where she would find food the next day. How she would stay warm when winter came. And who would care for her when she became ill.

After our son died, I was hurting. Some days I resented how God had handled my life, so I ignored Him. Sometimes I was angry with Him. One day, I considered turning my back on Him and walking away. Unlike the neighbor girl, I considered what this would mean for my life.

No one to pray to. No absolute truth to rely on. A complete change in thinking, activities, relationships, and all I was—and all for the worse. It was as if I was standing at the edge of a cliff, looking into a dark abyss. To take that next step would be mental, emotional, and spiritual suicide.

I backed away. The horror of it sent me back to God. Not a God I could control. Not a God committed to my temporary comfort, safety, and happiness. But to a God who loves me more than anyone ever will. And a God I love, even though I don’t understand Him. I felt it would be as foolish to walk away from God as it was for our neighbor girl to leave the protection and provision of her home.

Psalm 73: 25, 26 sums it up for me, “Whom have I in heaven but thee? and there is none upon earth that I desire beside thee. My flesh and my heart faileth: but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion for ever.”

Life may get very difficult, but by God’s grace, I will not walk away.


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